Happy Valentine's Day ** My beloved husband sent me to work with one of the best Valentine's cards I've ever seen. What a wonderful husband. *sigh* Poor guy has to work 9:30 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. today, so we'll probably have dinner and maybe go to an Imax movie tomorrow. Tomorrow morning I'm going to a peace rally, if I'm feeling up to it. And Sunday I might be going to look at baby teacup Maltese puppies with my mom (how TINY must those be?!). Monday, thankfully, I am off of work. Hope you are too! What great plans does everyone else have this weekend?
Posted 7:33 AM by Kerry O.

Yeah, I know ** Long post, and it will probably piss someone off. But it made me laugh like a Banshee, so I have to share. Incidentally, exactly 1/2 the lights in my building just went out. Can I go home now?

When Buying Duct Tape Becomes Patriotic
by Paul Vitello

Today, I will buy the duct tape.

It is the first thing my government has really asked of me since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. So the least I can do is buy the tape.

The new Department of Homeland Security recommended this.

I call it Government Proposal No. 1 for Citizens. The idea is that nerve gas or other chemical weapons of mass destruction will be barred from entering the house by the interdiction of duct tape: You buy it in the hardware store. You seal the windows and doors.

You hope it works.

For good measure, I will buy a gas mask, too.

Maybe I will buy many gas masks. A friend points out that nothing would be more embarrassing than to be attacked by terrorists while entertaining guests and to have only one gas mask in the house. Think of the awkwardness.

So, counting everybody, I will buy 11 gas masks.

Potassium Iodate is a chemical that gives you some protection from radiation poisoning, and though the government hasn't mentioned it, I might buy some of that.

Yesterday, the government did say that North Korea has missiles that can hit North America. In the past, the government has said North Korea has nuclear bombs -- or the capacity to build them, I forget which. But put two and two together. Duct tape. Gas masks. Potassium Iodate ...

Things would get pretty chaotic, I guess, if something really big happened. The roads, bridges, tunnels would be impassable.

So I will buy an SUV, too. I will buy a Hummer, if I can scrape up the
money. There might be enough in my 401(k) retirement plan for a Hummer. Today, I will call and find out if there is enough in the 401(k).

It may be a problem, with all the laws, but I will somehow also buy a roof-mounted automatic machine gun for the Hummer. In the frenzy of something big, people without Hummers may try to hijack my vehicle, and that would be unacceptable. Having invested my retirement savings in the Hummer, no one is going to take it away from me. No one. In fact, it would not be a bad idea to secure a small supply of tear gas. It might come in handy for crowd control. In the worst case, of course, tear gas and my automatic roof-mounted machine gun will not be sufficient. So I will pursue the availability of portable high-explosive devices. These are expensive. But what is the point of a 401(k) plan, anyway?

Did I mention that I have a headache?

I do. It is a very big headache.

Ever since deciding to give my all to my country, in fact, I have been
feeling it.

It is the kind of headache that you might get if, say, you were locked in a small cell, with duct tape sealing all the cracks, and the all-news TV was blaring warnings all the time, and you were so isolated and confused by the announcements coming forth that you didn't care anymore whether it was Iraq or Korea or al-Qaida ... just make it go away.

It's the kind of headache that you would do anything to stop. Eventually you might find yourself wrapping your head with 200 yards of duct tape, tighter and tighter until everything goes black, or whatever color your duct tape happens to be. It comes in many colors.

Copyright 2003, Newsday, Inc.
Posted 11:15 AM by Kerry O.

Battle of the Princesses ** I don't think I ever mentioned Princess's behavior at the baby shower. Important to note here is that, among the nearly 50 people who were there, there were 2 young boys (about 4) and 2 infant girls (one crawling/walking a little, one not). Princess, of course, was just as drawn to them as they were to her. She greeted everyone, but wanted to play with the kids. But get this! She was so gentle! My frantic, psychotic puppy was amazingly good with kids. The crawling/walking baby girl was mesmerized by her, followed her all over the backyard. Princess let her catch her a couple of times, never jumped on anyone, always kind of sat a foot or so back and let the kids stick their hands out to her nose, where she rewarded them with a little lick. It was awesome. Any minor fears I had about her were completely relieved. Now, I know it will be different when the baby is not a visitor, but an entirely new family member, and I know we will probably have some jealousy issues. But Princess is my first baby and I will do what I can to let her know that I still love her too.
Posted 9:36 AM by Kerry O.

Thursday the 13th ** Today is my annual review. Cross your fingers for me. I am pretty sure the review will be fine, but I find out what my bonus is too. This is an important thing, as it will have a direct impact on how life will be while I'm on leave. Boy I hope it's okay...
Posted 7:30 AM by Kerry O.

No way, uh-uh, don't buy it ** Actually, I suppose I do, though it's positively amazing. Woman, unaware of pregnancy, gives birth in toilet. Tell me, HOW is that possible? Seriously.
Posted 3:01 PM by Kerry O.

I'm a Survivor ** Whew. I just had my "meeting." The one where I have to sit with my managers and Psycrone to give them the status of my files, so they know what's transferring, what the issues are, etc. I haven't exactly been dreading this meeting, just definitely not looking forward to it. It wasn't actually that bad. Fortunately, I was very prepared, with spreadsheets and summaries of my files, where they are in the process and so on. I think my manager (asst. manager, actually. My manager had to cancel) was impressed by my preparation. Of course, much can change between now and next Friday, but my system makes it easy to update that as we go. I'm just glad it's over!
Posted 10:59 AM by Kerry O.

Urban myths ** The next time you want to forward a "health alert" type of email, please go to Snopes and check it out first. Please? I don't mind getting these emails, actually. It gives me something to look up and debunk. And it spares me from forwarding to you, dear friends, something that is ultimately untrue.

And if you have ever forwarded an email that promises to send you part of Bill Gates' fortune, a monetary reward or gift certificate or the like, shame on you. I know we're all suckers sometimes (definitely including myself in that one), but come on. Please don't forward them to me.

Jokes, on the other hand. Keep 'em coming.
Posted 12:57 PM by Kerry O.

SUV's ** What are your thoughts on SUV's? This article outlines some of the problems between the arguments against them and the mentality of the arguments in their favor. Duh, I'm a lingering environmentalist, so of course I don't like them. But unlike his article says, it seems to me that they're on the decline. I don't necessarily think that people who have them will get rid of them, but have you seen the latest offerings in the realm of the "SUV" world? They're getting smaller and smaller, with some looking practically like truncated station wagons. I think people are getting annoyed with the lousy gas mileage and parking in B.F.E. because they take up 2 parking spaces. But maybe I'm wrong. What do you think?
Posted 8:48 AM by Kerry O.

Last night ** Liz summed up my feelings beautifully. I admit, I'm sucked in by Joe Friggin' Millionaire. But last night I was so pissed off that they led us on to believe that they were going to reveal who he chose... and then didn't. Jerks. Now they want us to watch a 2-hour damned special next week? I admit it, I wanna know. So I'll tune in for the last 10 minutes and find out. Meanies.
Posted 8:05 AM by Kerry O.

As we speak... ** Psycrone is having her annual performance review. I don't wish her ill will, I really don't. Especially since my review is Thursday. Karma and all...
Posted 10:35 AM by Kerry O.

Work woes ** Oh, yeah! And only 8 more days of work after today. One more Monday. *sigh* It still seems so far away...
Posted 8:51 AM by Kerry O.

House ** Here are some photos of the house, as it looked before the dozens of people descended upon us on Saturday. They're not that exciting, but if you've seen our house, you'll definitely recognize how different it all looks! I'll take updated baby room and office pics in a few days when we've had a chance to put the rest of the stuff away. :)
Posted 8:32 AM by Kerry O.

New week **
I feel like a new person this week. Psycrone is trying to pick a fight, and I'm just not letting her. I'm sure she'll get to me in no time, but for right now, I'm just trying to keep my good mood. You see, we had a baby shower this weekend! Word is coming back that it was the best shower some people ever attended. It was just simply incredible. The best gift of all was from Chelsie - the shower itself. It was wonderful. She coordinated all the events, the prizes, the timing, the delicious food and drinks, everything. And when it was all said and done, she cleaned it all up and took it away. All while Joe and I were in a happy, confused daze. There were just SO many people there - almost 50!!! - that we didn't really get time to spend with everyone and thank everyone the way we would have wanted. It was truly awesome. The shower pictures I have so far (they were on my digicam) are here. And here's a direct link for the best one (I guess) of my hair. The pictures in the album are mostly just opening presents, so they may not be all that exciting, but you can get a concept of the sheer, unbelievable volume of incredibly generous gifts we received. Holy cow! There is virtually nothing left for us to buy. Just a Snugli, the Pack & Play, and some newborn clothes. Wow.
Posted 8:24 AM by Kerry O.