Morrissey ** I'm at work today. I'm just another sacrificial lamb for the corporate gods. I did volunteer, though, and I get a freebie day sometime in return.

But I just found out I missed the Morrissey concert. Damn it, I really wanted to see that. I thought it was tonight; God only knows why. I went to a baseball game last night instead. It was fun, mind you, and they won. But still... Grumble grumble.
Posted 10:15 AM by Kerry O.

Is it just me? ** Have you ever had one of those days when you pass someone while driving at lunch with truck hauling a boat, or Sea-Doo, or ATV's - and you'd give anything to jump in their truck and go along? Just don't go back to work? Ugh, I had one of those days today. We passed one truck with a boat, another with inner tubes and a nice Sea-Doo. And I admit we were very jealous.
Posted 2:15 PM by Kerry O.

Rememberings ** On my way into work this morning, I listened to the new Bruce Springsteen album. I've never bought one of his albums before and never really wanted to. But the radio has been playing "The Rising" for a while, and I really do like it. So I broke down and bought it yesterday. Anyone who knows anything about this album knows it was inspired by 9/11 and while not bluntly referring to it, you can hear the recurrent theme throughout the lyrics and the mood of the album. Which got me to thinking...

Like everyone else, I'm kind of 9/11'd out. It was a tragedy, and I was very disturbed by it for a very long time. The theory is that time heals all wounds. It's a nice theory. Thinking back this morning, I tried to remember where I was when I found out, what I did, what I saw, how I felt. I remembered the phone calls, waking my brother up, coming to work like a zombie, only to leave to try to donate blood, and go home without succeeding. I remembered days later, sitting on my couch with my brother's dog Monty, watching the memorial service at the National Cathedral and bawling like a baby.

And before I knew it, sitting in my car at a stop light, I started crying again. I didn't even notice at first and then was slightly embarrassed in case someone in the cars next to me noticed. But I realized that this is still a very real wound for me. Time didn't heal it, it gave me days, weeks, and months of more current events to use as a convenient screen. When I wipe back those months, it all floods back, and I remember how sad and scared I felt for so long, I worried I'd never recover.

I had an image of myself as a grandmother, with little grandkids asking me in disbelief if I was really alive on September 11, 2001. Yes, I was, I tell them. Your grandfather and I were married less than a year, and lived in our first house. That day was horrifying. And then I'll start crying when it all floods back and I remember the thousands who lost their lives and how sad and scared they must have been. And what it did to - and for - this nation. I'm not sure these are things I will ever be able to really explain to a future person. They are our scars to carry forever.
Posted 8:43 AM by Kerry O.

Advice of the day ** Said by a work acquaintance: I'm sure by now all the pregnancy experts are coming out of the woodwork. Ignore them. They're stupid. Do what you think is right, and listen to your own heart and body. Pretend you're deaf.
Posted 4:20 PM by Kerry O.

Right vs. Wrong ** In a world of plastic money and lives lived on credit, it's not surprising that people in NYC thought it was okay to defraud a bank by withdrawing more money than they had in their accounts. Perhaps I've become jaded by modern stories of moral gray areas, but I can actually clearly hear the arguments in my head: "I planned to put it back. I was just so behind on my bills, and this was going to help. It was going to be back before they found out, really!" Seriously, I would bet that at least half of the people have this type of argument - and thought it was okay. Just like anytime you try to borrow from Peter to pay Paul, this type of situation always backfires, usually dramatically.
Posted 10:34 AM by Kerry O.

Ow ** I bit my cheek in my sleep last night. Now I have this very painful sore right inside the corner of my mouth. I can't even imagine what I was doing. I know I grind my teeth in my sleep, so maybe that's what did it. Ugh. Painful. I also just remembered that I volunteered months ago to work this Saturday on the 1-800 weekend line here. Great. As a bonus, I get one free vacation day to use in the next 90 days, which is a nice bonus. But I still have to work a Saturday, so this will be a nice 6-day work week for me. Darn it. Somehow I'm still in a good mood. Go figure.
Posted 9:13 AM by Kerry O.

Baby love, my baby love **
Thought I'd share our first pictures of our little one. You can see his/her little head on the upper right, then arms, then legs at the lower left. It's a pretty complete picture. Wish I could show you his/her beautiful beating heart. Ah, well. Here you go!

Posted 8:06 PM by Kerry O.

Mid-blog crisis ** I find I'm feeling weird about blogging this morning. I know hearing about my weekend every Monday isn't the most stimulating reading. Hearing about my dog's newfound tick problem isn't thrilling. Knowing my opinions on Road to Perdition won't glue you to your computer screen. And I know that people have stopped reading my blog. I'm sorry I can't be the source of daily riveting entertainment. As Wil Wheaton often put it, I think I'm losing my funny. Life just has too many detours in it right now, and people I know IRL are dealing with turmoil and change. I used to take these things in a humorous stride, but right now, they're making me - well - boring. So if I maybe don't get too deep around here for a little while, and it causes you to disappear, I'm sorry. I just don't feel like writing about some of this stuff. It's tantamount to betrayal.

Having said that, who knows when I will snap and be back to my witty self? That would be nice, but I'm not holding my breath.
Posted 8:38 AM by Kerry O.